Ammon is 17 months!

 Ha ha! I climbed up here all by myself!

Tomorrow that is. . .
He has made some progress! These past few weeks, Ammon has attempted standing up by himself in the middle of the room unassisted. Then he usually takes 1-3 steps and falls back down. He also likes climbing up on his little play table and has learned to get back down after bumping his head a couple of times. He has also learned to climb down the stairs. But because he is so small, I keep worrying he will loose balance and tumble down them. yikes.

He is making more babbling noises. Nothing real substantial yet, but kind of sounds like "hi", "yes", "Jessica", "I did it" and "all done." He says them in a way that you wonder if he is really saying something or not. He seems to be understanding more too. He is pointing to his picture when we ask to point to the baby or Ammon. I'm hoping he understands his own name. It's hard to tell.
He's getting more vocal in one area for sure - every time he has a bowel movement. He screams and/or cries like he's giving birth. It doesn't matter if it's soft or hard. It hurts him. It breaks my heart to watch him go through it. I don't know what is up with his digestive track, but it's certainly not normal. However, he's already had a GI scan and it did come back normal when he was a baby. So I attribute it to diet? Just what exactly? I don't know.
So the last week in September we got in to see a Neurologist. He ordered two DNA tests and an MRI. The MRI and one DNA test came back normal. The last test is a Chromosome analysis. I think this is the only test that would be able to pick up Mosaic Down Syndrome, which is what I suspect he might have. The last I checked it was undergoing dialogue between doctors. So, the jury is still out on that one. I'm nervous about the news. I would love some answers. If it comes back normal too, then I'm back to ground zero and I've run out of resources for figuring it out.
Some people don't think there is anything wrong with him. If you are just around him, he seems normal. But when he is around his peers, it's so obvious he is behind. If it is MDS, then that would explain his low muscle tone which would explain a whole lot about him inside and out, but again - I don't know.
I just got called into the nursery. So I've taken Ammon with me. Today, we went for a walk around the church. I had to carry him of course because he can't walk yet. The rest of the kids were pretty competent in this area. And more than one are just starting nursery. He is eligible in one month. They've all been doing this walking thing for a while. *sigh* Not that I care that he is behind. It's just frustrating to see that and have no explanation and then have people tell me nothing is wrong with him. Really? It would be so much easier to say - he's got "_____" so give him a little time to catch up, please.
Besides being behind though, he is such a happy boy and brings us so much joy. He is kind of laid back and takes most things in stride. I absolutely love him. Sometimes, he climbs in my lap and lays his head on my arm or lap or chest and smiles at me kind of dreamy like. I know he loves me and I love him right back. I wouldn't trade him or what he is like for the world. I would just like to know if I'm seeing things that are really there or if I'm making it up.
I finally got his 1 yr old pics in the mail! So cute!

41 isn't much different than 40

We could have just gone on this year without celebrating really. .  but I kind of really like my birthday. Call me weird.
Jhonny left Wednesday night for St. Louis. Thursday I was praying I would survive the day. I managed to get all the kids to school on time. That meant 4 different stops. Then I left work early to get Gavin and take Lily to dance lessons, picked up Ammon, went back for Lily. Then we rushed home for a quick meal and I decided the kids better get bathed then. Then it was back in the car to see Jessica at school in her concert. We were there for 15 minutes before rushing to Gattis for the Dual Language social, then back to CD Fulkes to get Jessica (she couldn't leave early). That's when she reminded me she had dance lessons. Ugh! I had forgotten! I rushed her over there and then headed home wondering what to do next. I called my neighbor and they lent me their son. So I put the kids to bed and left to get Jessica. I thought we were done. That's when she informed me she had homework. We were up til 10:30 doing that. To wind down, I watched a show and went to bed by midnight.
Then we got up early to get the kids all to school on time again. I had an early morning meeting, so I couldn't let it slide and come in a little late. When I saw the birthday cake in my suitemate's office, I actually teared up a little on my way to that meeting. My other suitemate brought brownies. They gave me a birthday card. I felt the love! So sweet.
I left work early again and picked up all the kids. When I picked up Jessica from the Mabey's, Betsy asked how it was going and I shared with her the update so far. She offered us a frozen lasagna for dinner. Woohoo! That was just what I needed.
After dropping the kids off and getting the lasagna started at home, I went to the store for a few items like milk and icecream. Then my alarm went off reminding me Jessica had girl scouts. Oh no! I took her over there and begged for someone to bring her home. Everyone was so helpful.
The rest of the kids and I watched Epic and ate ice cream. It was the perfect movie to share with my little guys!
The next morning, Gavin and I braved the COLD wind at his soccer game at 8:30am. We came back home and I didn't leave the house again, but I had plenty to do around here at home. Around 5, my friend came over with her daughter and we had a little informal birthday celebration. She took me online shopping for my birthday with her rewards points from work. She was quite generous with those. I should be getting my present in the mail sometime this week. Wow. I felt pretty special.
This morning I woke up earlier than I wanted to. I was kind of sad that Jhonny wasn't home and that he'd missed the past three days. We had breakfast - Lily made the waffles! She was pretty proud of herself. As I was cleaning up and getting dinner ready for after church, Jhonny walked in the door.
He brought some fudge from the arch. Happy birthday to me!
It's been a rough week, but I'm grateful for thoughtful friends and neighbors who've made it a little better.

My boys

 Gavin's first soccer game. We were just coming to support the team. Due to a miscalculation in days, he missed the last practice where they handed out the uniforms. However, despite the doctor's orders, Gavin swapped shirts with a fellow team mate and jumped in the game to play a little. I got there after the fact, but figured it couldn't be worse than his normal horse play.
I can't keep this kid grounded if I tried. On Wednesday, I brought him back to school and he was scowling and grumbling about how boring school would be because the doctor said to keep both feet on the ground. He couldn't imagine recess without climbing. The principal got a hoot out of his dramatics and long face. Good thing everyone has a sense of humor. Now for trying to keep this kid from reinjuring himself. . .



In other news, my boy Ammon is progressing nicely with his ECI therapy. He is crawling very nicely and standing up correctly. Today he even stood on his own for up to 6 seconds. I caught him here in mid stance. His drop to the floor was almost controlled. Good boy!!

Jammin Ammon on the recorder!



First day of school 2013

 Lily's teacher makes a visit. (Her teacher is Mr. Marcano)

 Lily ready for 2nd grade!

 Kids are ready to go!

 My boys.

 Gavin and Lily getting their ride with Daddy to school.

 Jessica and Ammon going with Mom to school and daycare.

 My little second grader! Looking forward to hanging with her BFF's.

 First day of Kindergarten! He was so nervous and anxious about having a broken arm and making new friends. He came home and reported. "It turns out Cambrie and I are not so shy." Cambrie is the Bishop's daughter that is in his class. Her mom was worried she would have a hard time adjusting as well. They both did great! His only complaint? Recess was too short and he didn't get to play with the blocks.

 My kiss! Love this boy. Last year, as I dropped him off at Ms. V and Ms. D's, he and I would exchange blown kisses every morning. Sometimes it took two or three before he would make his way inside.

 Jessica is ready for Middle School. She was nervous about finding all her classes on time. No need to worry - she has her schedule down and memorized now and loving life as a 6th grader so far. She likes all her teachers and is making new friends.

Feeling a bit nervous as dad drops him off in the cafeteria. I'm wondering where that pic behind the desk is at, but I guess this will do.

15 months

Ammon had his 15 month well check today. He is improving his skills with the help of his ECI therapists, but he is still behind. I had a frank conversation with his doctor and let her know that if we are going to do any kind of tests, it needs to happen this month before we pretty much don't have insurance anymore. (Not completely true-  we will have insurance - it just won't feel like it.)

So he got blood taken today and urine samples taken and we are making an appointment with a pediatric neurologist. Let's see if anything pops up.

And things are progressing with Tanya. Check out her blog - she's the one at the top at the moment since she is basically updating daily. In another week or two, I should get a call about the results from my blood test.

So Tanya assures me that the "transplant" is like donating blood. The doctor will give the donor meds to pump up the stem cells and then collect them during a blood skimming for lack of a better word. That is just how it sounds to me. They cycle the blood out and back in while collecting the platelets or stem cells. I'm not too keen on watching my blood being cycled, but it could be much worse. I'm just glad a procedure exists to help get her healed. She's got more life to live and lives to get here I think.

Anyway - first week of school done. It felt like a month. I still have a pile of schedule changes on the desk. We all do. And it's tough cuz everyone is very impatient to have their schedules fixed right now - which isn't exactly humanly possible. I keep trying to tell kids and parents that, but honestly if they wouldn't interrupt we could get it done faster.

Little Miracles

This week has been busy for me. The week before school starts is often like that. I stayed late two nights last week to get schedules done. I'm sure most of the students who get their schedules on Monday won't appreciate the late nights and sacrifice away from my family, but I do it anyway.

So sometime last week, I stopped to take inventory of my feelings and realized that I felt tangible peace. As I spoke with the case manager, I was even a little excited to get things rolling and set up to go get tested. After wrapping my brain around the possibility of being a match, I've come to accept that fact. Now it's just a matter of proof. . . or not. I'm ready to face whatever comes. The fear has fled. Now I know what Tanya meant. She feels no fear, just peace amidst this storm.

In July I was given the assignment to speak in sacrament meeting from Bishop Davies' talk about building upon the rock of our savior. The scripture in Helaman really stood out to me.  

5:12 And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the ^arock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your ^bfoundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty ^cstorm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.

The storm is here. It's beating upon us, but it doesn't seem to have the power it should have. I certainly don't feel like I'm in the gulf of misery or endless wo. From reading my sister's blog entries. I don't think she feels that way either. I have complete confidence in the Savior's atonement and power to heal. I also know he allows us to go through hard things. But it seems just when the boat is about to be dashed to pieces, he reaches out his hand and calms the storm. He is a fourth watch God.

Just a week ago, I was feeling the waves and the winds. The news was not unexpected really, but it did give confirmation to my fears about this disease and what I might be asked to do. I'm grateful to say I feel peace now. That doesn't mean I expect that I won't be the match. I'm okay if I am. I'm ready emotionally for it. I think. I may feel differently when I'm trying to make arrangements for my children and husband, but actually going doesn't seem to frighten me any more. I can only attribute that to the many prayers that I know are being shared.

Friday night I got home late. I sat with my children who have been anxious about school starting. I have a new middle schooler and a new kindergartner and the other one will be in her dad's class which is also a new unknown. Ammon is in a new place as well. There is bound to be some anxiety. As we were sitting in the front room hanging out and talking, I noticed a car stop in front of the house. When the lights turned off, I got up and saw someone walking to our door. I wasn't expecting anyone.

I met this lady at the door and wondered what she wanted. She didn't look like a solicitor. After saying hello, she held out her hand with a set of keys and asked if I was missing them. I was so surprised to see my keys that were lost back in July in her hands. She found them two doors down by the stop sign a few weeks ago. She'd put a sign out by her house in case someone was looking for them. I never drive that way. She had also been looking around the neighborhood to see if anyone drove a Hyundai. She tracked me down, even after her son said, "Mom, surely the owner has already made a new set of keys by now." I had, but I had not replaced the clicker.

The day I lost them was the day before we were leaving for Utah for my family reunion. I had set them on the hood of our other car while helping my husband put the cargo carrier on the van. Jhonny drove off shortly after that to get to work while I was working on something else. By the time I realized where the keys had been set down, I knew it was too late. I searched up and down the street where he had driven away. I didn't see them. We looked three times to no avail. I prayed we would find them, but gave up thinking they must have been thrown down the drain and I was sure I would never see them again.

Fortunately the dealership had one blank left for my car that day. I was able to get a copy made just in time to go to my appointment with the dermatologist to remove three moles that looked suspicious. (They are all fine - I did not have cancer.) I would have had to pay $50 for missing that appointment.

We were also able to leave for our trip the next morning because we had a key. I thought that was how the Lord was answering my prayer. So I was very surprised and humbled to see this good woman hunting me down to return the original set. I'm sure Margaret will be blessed for her good dead. I know I am.

And that little miracle just made it more real to me that God does answer prayers. Even though it may seem like he's forgotten his promises or even when you don't see the miracle right away, the miracle is just waiting to prove itself even more. I'm grateful this week for the minor miracles that boost my faith in my fourth watch God. He's pretty amazing when it comes down to it.

With God anything is possible

That was the title of today's Relief Society lesson. We talked about how God puts us in positions that are hard, but we have the promise of his aid in everything. This weekend has been a bit emotional for me.
Friday, my sister sent the news that she would need a bone marrow transplant. This is going to be a long treatment/recovery. Fighting cancer Acute Myeloid Leukemia to be exact will not be easy for her or those of us who love her. Friday after a long week of exhausting work that isn't done, I got the kids to bed and instead of falling to sleep myself, I finally let myself emote.
I can't really even say what I was feeling. I just cried. I know it's nothing compared to what she is going through, but I couldn't help but weep.
Sometime soon, my siblings and I will be getting tested to see if we are a match. We are the best chances of that. I hate needles, but getting my blood drawn is nothing new. I've at least done that many times. I just need to find a place that will do it quickly without costing me too much.
Friday as I was trying to convince myself that I likely won't be a match and that I'm too old to go through that much pain. . . it occurred to me that it might be very likely I could be the match.
Just last month I was asked to speak about building upon the Rock of our Redeemer and how he will sustain us during those stormy times. I heard from someone else about how we are asked to speak about those topics that we need the most. To my knowledge my other siblings didn't get asked to speak.
Then I let myself cry and wear the idea of being the match. There is no way I would say no. I imagine the Lord in the garden of gethsemane saying, "Oh Lord take this cup from me, but if thou wilt, I will drink it up."
I can deal with constant minimal pain. I've been doing that my whole life. It's that acute immediate pain I'm mostly afraid of. I hope they put me under. I could probably stand it then. I'm already mentally preparing for a trip to Omaha. It should come right around my birthday. What better gift than the gift of life?
The Lord will not give us anything that we can't handle, but he knows what is hardest for us and that is what he asks of us so that we must rely upon him and his grace. That confirmed it to me again. Anticipation of pain is probably my greatest fear. More than death. Perhaps not more than mice, but . . .I haven't been as successful at avoiding pain.
This is one of those things that I've heard the treatment is pretty tough on the donor. I've never gone through something that difficult without at least my husband and mom near. My husband won't be able to be there with me, because he will need to stay with the kids. And my mom if she is there will likely be at the side of my sister who lets face it is going through much more.
As I contemplate all of this. . . I may not be the match. But I want to record these feelings. Because I'm praying one of us at least will be the match. And I want to remember that that person will likely need support too.
Other feelings I've had revolve around how much I love my sister and how happy I am for her life right now - minus the cancer of course. She is so happy with her little boy and her wonderful soul mate. I hate that she has to go through this. Perhaps that is the protective older sister in me.
And lastly, I keep walking around going on with my life and then like running into a pole or a brick wall I think, "How can life keep going on. Don't you know my sister is fighting cancer??"