3 more days. That is what I can know for sure. I won't be pregnant for longer than that. I'm getting used to the idea of a double birthday. Friends and family are stepping up to help out in what I originally considered a less than ideal situation.
I have at least three people willing to videotape the talent show that Jessica will be singing at while I'm undergoing the c-section.
If Ammon waits til then, my mom can go to work this week and get some other errands taken care of. She just called to let me know she'll take the kids home for the weekend while I'm in the hospital. She has some things to attend to at home so it will be easier for her to just do that.
Jhonny's lesson plans are done and ready to go for the week after I sat down and worked through them with him last night, so he should be okay. I'll probably send him back to work on Friday since I'll just be trying to get up and walk that day anyway.
I'm hoping to get a cookie cake baked today for a birthday party at the hospital for Jhonny and Ammon. Best part is that I'll actually get to partake!! Maybe this won't be so bad after all.
I realized that Gavin can stay in day care next week and I'll bet Ms. V won't mind him extending for one more week until I'm a little more on my feet. The girls I'm sure won't be much of a problem once I'm home from the hospital. Bored maybe, but they'll be okay. And Jhonny WILL be home for the vast majority of the first week home from the hospital with only needing to work on Tuesday. Hopefully it won't be a FULL tuesday since it is the last staff day of work which is usually a breakfast and turn in your keys kind of day.
Yes, things will work out. They always do even if not exactly the way I plan it in my head at first.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Sunday, May 20, 2012
Father and Sons Campout 2012
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Still Waiting
Happy Mother's Day. When I woke up this morning it was not with joy or excitement. What was most on my mind was that I'm still waiting. I had really hoped that today would be the day. But nothing has happened of great significance. That means no chocolate or cookies or icecream or anything else lovely to consume.
When Jhonny asked what I wanted for breakfast I gave him a hard cold stare. What I want and what I can eat are NOT the same thing. When I came downstairs, my eager young children had helped themselves to cereal. When Jhonny asked where the breakfast in bed was, Jessica replied. "Mom said she didn't want to celebrate until after the baby comes." That's true. I don't. I'm tired of missing out on the best that these holidays have to offer.
Later Jessica and Lily asked if they could at least give me the "paper" gifts they had made for me. I said okay. They were sweet. They have tried so hard to let me know how much they love me. Gavin too. And they sang so well in church today. All three. But. . .
Yesterday, I noticed some watery discharge. I figure that my amniotic sac must have torn. But no gush, so it's not really doing anything for me. In fact according to the articles online, it could heal itself and regenerate more fluid. So there went that hope that something could be getting started.
On Thursday I was dilated to a 2. Gee at this rate, I'll deliver in June! JK. I have a scheduled C-section on the 24th of May. Which is not a great day for several reasons including the fact that it's Jhonny's birthday, Jessica has a talent show she is singing in 45 minutes after I go under the knife and we only have one good camera. Oh and it's the day before school is out which means I come home to recover with 4 kids to take care of. Yippee!
I read the lesson for RS which was on prayer. Feeling a little more than depressed, I felt perhaps it would do me some good to read it. What I got out of it is that I need to be a little more humble and trusting that the Lord is in charge and this baby will come when it's best for him to come. Doesn't make me feel much better, but I know that's true. It also occured to me that I need to start emotionally preparing for this C-section. Perhaps it's the best way for him to get here. The sooner I can accept that fact the less disappointed I can feel each day he doesn't come.
So after trying all day to come to terms with these circumstances without much luck, I asked Jhonny to give me a blessing. Not a blessing to make this happen, but one to help me accept what will happen. Whatever that is. I don't want to be angry and sad. I'm feeling impatient. Perhaps it's the painful contractions every ten minutes that make me want to faint. Or not being able to walk without feeling pain. It's hard to put one foot in front of the other. And more frustrating is that walking doesn't seem to make contractions any stronger or closer together. At least not for very long. I don't dare drive because I feel like fainting every time I'm in the car. So I'm literally a prisoner in my home right now. Ahhh! Just want it to be over.
So Jhonny gave me a blessing. I'm still not jumping up and down for joy, but at least I'm feeling a little more calm. I'll get through this. And he promised me that I would have time to bond with this baby and the help I need while I'm recovering. That's probably what I need to hear the most.
So I must apologize for all the whining. I hate to put it out there like that, but life is not always roses. Sometimes the best lessons in life are getting through the reality of what isn't all pretty. Perhaps some of this depression comes from the fact that I know each day that passes is one less day I get to spend with my last baby. This is the first time I will have to return to work when my baby is so young. At best he will pass the two month mark. That is too young for me.
The good news is that I got a transfer to a High School closer to my house. I'm hoping this will allow me some time to go see him during lunch. But who knows. My job is SO time demanding. There have been days I don't get lunch. We shall see. Again, I just need an extra helping of faith to get through what I consider less than ideal.
When Jhonny asked what I wanted for breakfast I gave him a hard cold stare. What I want and what I can eat are NOT the same thing. When I came downstairs, my eager young children had helped themselves to cereal. When Jhonny asked where the breakfast in bed was, Jessica replied. "Mom said she didn't want to celebrate until after the baby comes." That's true. I don't. I'm tired of missing out on the best that these holidays have to offer.
Later Jessica and Lily asked if they could at least give me the "paper" gifts they had made for me. I said okay. They were sweet. They have tried so hard to let me know how much they love me. Gavin too. And they sang so well in church today. All three. But. . .
Yesterday, I noticed some watery discharge. I figure that my amniotic sac must have torn. But no gush, so it's not really doing anything for me. In fact according to the articles online, it could heal itself and regenerate more fluid. So there went that hope that something could be getting started.
On Thursday I was dilated to a 2. Gee at this rate, I'll deliver in June! JK. I have a scheduled C-section on the 24th of May. Which is not a great day for several reasons including the fact that it's Jhonny's birthday, Jessica has a talent show she is singing in 45 minutes after I go under the knife and we only have one good camera. Oh and it's the day before school is out which means I come home to recover with 4 kids to take care of. Yippee!
I read the lesson for RS which was on prayer. Feeling a little more than depressed, I felt perhaps it would do me some good to read it. What I got out of it is that I need to be a little more humble and trusting that the Lord is in charge and this baby will come when it's best for him to come. Doesn't make me feel much better, but I know that's true. It also occured to me that I need to start emotionally preparing for this C-section. Perhaps it's the best way for him to get here. The sooner I can accept that fact the less disappointed I can feel each day he doesn't come.
So after trying all day to come to terms with these circumstances without much luck, I asked Jhonny to give me a blessing. Not a blessing to make this happen, but one to help me accept what will happen. Whatever that is. I don't want to be angry and sad. I'm feeling impatient. Perhaps it's the painful contractions every ten minutes that make me want to faint. Or not being able to walk without feeling pain. It's hard to put one foot in front of the other. And more frustrating is that walking doesn't seem to make contractions any stronger or closer together. At least not for very long. I don't dare drive because I feel like fainting every time I'm in the car. So I'm literally a prisoner in my home right now. Ahhh! Just want it to be over.
So Jhonny gave me a blessing. I'm still not jumping up and down for joy, but at least I'm feeling a little more calm. I'll get through this. And he promised me that I would have time to bond with this baby and the help I need while I'm recovering. That's probably what I need to hear the most.
So I must apologize for all the whining. I hate to put it out there like that, but life is not always roses. Sometimes the best lessons in life are getting through the reality of what isn't all pretty. Perhaps some of this depression comes from the fact that I know each day that passes is one less day I get to spend with my last baby. This is the first time I will have to return to work when my baby is so young. At best he will pass the two month mark. That is too young for me.
The good news is that I got a transfer to a High School closer to my house. I'm hoping this will allow me some time to go see him during lunch. But who knows. My job is SO time demanding. There have been days I don't get lunch. We shall see. Again, I just need an extra helping of faith to get through what I consider less than ideal.
Sunday, April 29, 2012
I made it to the Baby Showers
Update on my Dr. appointments:
Last thursday marked 35 weeks and 2 days. So this tuesday will be 36 weeks. At my appointment I was dilated to a 1 and 60% effaced, up to 30cm of fluid and baby probably weighs about 6.5 pounds. I'm pretty sure I've lost my mucous plug.
Mom says within a week. We'll see. I've had days where I think it might happen and then others when it seems further off and will never come. Wednesday of last week was my last day of work. So it's very possible that I could slow down with my contractions that seemed to come off and on every other day.
I've had two days of labor scares where the contractions were coming regularly for a little over an hour. They just didn't get to five minutes apart and didn't get stronger. But apparently they are doing something as I seem to be slowly progressing.
Last Friday morning was the last scare. I woke up at 3am having contractions. I kept thinking, not yet - I have another shower to get through. I counted for almost an hour before waking up Jhonny and telling him something might be happening and hoped he was ready for a sub. He wasn't. He got up and started getting things ready. About an hour and 1/2 later, they stopped. Good thing I didn't call anyone. I was waiting to see if they would get stronger and closer. But I think it was a good trial run to show Jhonny how he needs to be ready at any given moment. Hopefully he has a renewed commitment to getting some emergency sub plans together. It could very well happen this week or at least by the next.
I think I'll start walking after Tuesday. I kind of want a May baby.
Happy Birthday Lily!
As typical in our family, Lily had a week long celebration of her birthday. Ending with a big night at Chuckecheese where she earned over 2300 tickets and brought home two really nice prizes and gifts from her friends of course.
Gavin earned very few tickets as he preferred to use all his tokens riding the horse. His only greater desire would be to go ride a real horse.
This was Lily's actual birthday. Despite my inability to indulge in the delicious cake, how can you NOT have a cake on your actual birthday? We had more cake than we needed by the time we added the Chuckecheese cake later that friday. Lily was in heaven. Cake heaven that is. It's hard to believe my little girl is growing up.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Happy Easter!
I'm counting down. Although it's two days away, I'm claiming 33 weeks. That's only 3 more to go!! Woohoo!.
Okay now for Easter. Thursday night there was a flashlight Easter egg hunt and movie in the park that we went to. The kids hopefully had a good time. I was a bit miserable. No comfortable seating or relaxation for me and then I swallowed a bug! UGH! Needless to say I was happy to go home. But not before we survived the chilly night air and showing of the "Hop". Jhonny kept trying to get me to go to a couple of other community egg hunts. I refused. I had enough in that one night. Next year, I may feel differently.
Mom and Dad came on Friday to celebrate and give Lily some early B-day attention. Jhonny deep cleaned after my pleading to do it right for once and not rely on the kids with their limited ability. They are helpful in trying to maintain, but every once in a while you just gotta do it yourself to get the results you want. If I could, I WOULD! He was sweet enough to give in to my pleas and do it. The kids helped, but you know how that goes.
When Grandma and Grandpa finally arrived the kids colored their eggs for the easter bunny to hide on Saturday morning. I prefer to do all the fun stuff on Saturday so Sunday we can just concentrate on the real purpose of Easter. So the kids and the grandparents had fun coloring eggs.
Then it was off to the store for SHOPPING with the girls. Lily had a blast picking out clothes and shoes and trying them all on. It was hardest settling on what her money would buy. I was worn out. They really need a motorized cart at that place for me. Walking around using the shopping cart as a walker is not ideal. But Lily was happy.
After that we hooked back up with the boys and went to a buffet all you can eat place where I knew I could eat all the meat and veggies I could cram on a plate without the necessity of cooking it myself and the kids could fill up on sweets that I refuse to make. Do you blame me? If I can't eat it, I'm not cooking it. The kids were in dessert heaven. And I felt pretty full myself. It's been a while since I could say that without my sugar skyrocketing. Mom was impressed that I managed to avoid the sugar and carbs. Well, it's not hard when it reminds me of being poisoned. The pain afterwards is not worth it. But soon, very soon. . .
When we got back ready to hit the hay, we discovered the transformer that is connected to our street blew and we were not only without power, but no way to get in the house. We were relying on the garage door opener and Jhonny had never put a house key on his set of keys. Even if he had, he bolted the part of the door that you can't open with a key. So Mom and Lily and I decided to take the hospital route tour to show mom where to go when the baby comes. We drove around Round Rock in the dark and came home just as Jhonny was able to break into the house. Still no power, but at least we got in. He fixed the broken lock on the window though- so no hopes of anyone out there having any ideas. I did manage to get a spare key on that set of car keys so this won't happen again.
Saturday morning, the kids got to hunt for eggs that the Easter Bunny aka Grandpa hid in the back yard. The kids and I enjoyed the fact that there was NOT a crowd and little competition to steal all the eggs. I could also limit the number they could find so it was fair. Then candy and boiled eggs for breakfast! For them anyway. After that we went on the hospital tour again, in the daylight to make sure Mom got it.
With the tour over, we made a trip to IKEA. We had some furniture needs with the baby coming and after searching on Craigslist and all the stores I could think of online, I found what I needed for the price I liked at IKEA. So off we went. What was even better is that this weekend they had an eat for free deal if you spent more than $100. What I was buying was at least that, so we all had lunch on IKEA!Which basically meant that they subtracted our meal ticket from the price of our purchase! Yippee! And they had a wheel chair that I got pushed around in, so no painful episodes like the day before.
After returning home, my uncle Rob stopped in for a visit. He was here in Austin on business and was getting a ride with my parents to Houston. I'm glad he stopped by. He said he didn't want to impose on my parent's visit. I kept telling mom he wasn't and it would be very rude of him NOT to come over when we haven't seen him in 4 years!! I was glad he came and got to visit for a bit. It was sad to say good bye and send my parents back to Houston. I enjoyed having them over. There's no one quite like Mom to complain to and get empathy from when I feel like this.
This morning was more laid back. I had Jhonny dig up the old VHS "He is Risen" video still packed in the garage and the kids watched the cartoon before church. I enjoyed their little comments and questions about what was happening. When the disciples and Mary were running in the tomb and thinking someone stole Jesus's body, Gavin kept yelling at the show, "HE'S ALIVE! HE'S NOT THERE! HE'S RESURRECTED! DON'T YOU KNOW?" It was so cute. Lily of course loves this holiday as it's so close to her birthday and everyone has Lilies around. At church someone had a lily plant on the podium. She pointed at it and said, "Look, Mom! Someone brought lilies! Someone brought ME today!" I was happy that even with all the sugar and easter bunny stuff going on this weekend, that my kids could grasp the meaning of Easter and the resurrection. Gavin learned about how Jesus was crucified and then lived again. He's having quite the time wrapping his tongue around the word, "resurrected", but he hasn't stopped trying to say it.
I'm curious as to what he will say tomorrow at school about it. His teacher's aunt passed away this weekend and her funeral was supposed to happen yesterday or today. She knew it was coming and my only comment other than how sorry I was, was that at least if you are going to have a funeral, this would be a good weekend for it. Fortunately she agreed. I wouldn't mind having my funeral on Easter weekend. I would hope that everyone present would be reminded that my death is a temporary seperation and that we will meet again!
Easter has to be one of my favorite holidays. Sugar aside. I love the colors and the flowers and easter egg hunts, and I especially love the reminder of our Savior and the hope and peace that it brings. Here's hoping all of you had a superb Easter Holiday!
Okay now for Easter. Thursday night there was a flashlight Easter egg hunt and movie in the park that we went to. The kids hopefully had a good time. I was a bit miserable. No comfortable seating or relaxation for me and then I swallowed a bug! UGH! Needless to say I was happy to go home. But not before we survived the chilly night air and showing of the "Hop". Jhonny kept trying to get me to go to a couple of other community egg hunts. I refused. I had enough in that one night. Next year, I may feel differently.
Mom and Dad came on Friday to celebrate and give Lily some early B-day attention. Jhonny deep cleaned after my pleading to do it right for once and not rely on the kids with their limited ability. They are helpful in trying to maintain, but every once in a while you just gotta do it yourself to get the results you want. If I could, I WOULD! He was sweet enough to give in to my pleas and do it. The kids helped, but you know how that goes.
When Grandma and Grandpa finally arrived the kids colored their eggs for the easter bunny to hide on Saturday morning. I prefer to do all the fun stuff on Saturday so Sunday we can just concentrate on the real purpose of Easter. So the kids and the grandparents had fun coloring eggs.
Then it was off to the store for SHOPPING with the girls. Lily had a blast picking out clothes and shoes and trying them all on. It was hardest settling on what her money would buy. I was worn out. They really need a motorized cart at that place for me. Walking around using the shopping cart as a walker is not ideal. But Lily was happy.
After that we hooked back up with the boys and went to a buffet all you can eat place where I knew I could eat all the meat and veggies I could cram on a plate without the necessity of cooking it myself and the kids could fill up on sweets that I refuse to make. Do you blame me? If I can't eat it, I'm not cooking it. The kids were in dessert heaven. And I felt pretty full myself. It's been a while since I could say that without my sugar skyrocketing. Mom was impressed that I managed to avoid the sugar and carbs. Well, it's not hard when it reminds me of being poisoned. The pain afterwards is not worth it. But soon, very soon. . .
When we got back ready to hit the hay, we discovered the transformer that is connected to our street blew and we were not only without power, but no way to get in the house. We were relying on the garage door opener and Jhonny had never put a house key on his set of keys. Even if he had, he bolted the part of the door that you can't open with a key. So Mom and Lily and I decided to take the hospital route tour to show mom where to go when the baby comes. We drove around Round Rock in the dark and came home just as Jhonny was able to break into the house. Still no power, but at least we got in. He fixed the broken lock on the window though- so no hopes of anyone out there having any ideas. I did manage to get a spare key on that set of car keys so this won't happen again.
With the tour over, we made a trip to IKEA. We had some furniture needs with the baby coming and after searching on Craigslist and all the stores I could think of online, I found what I needed for the price I liked at IKEA. So off we went. What was even better is that this weekend they had an eat for free deal if you spent more than $100. What I was buying was at least that, so we all had lunch on IKEA!Which basically meant that they subtracted our meal ticket from the price of our purchase! Yippee! And they had a wheel chair that I got pushed around in, so no painful episodes like the day before.
After returning home, my uncle Rob stopped in for a visit. He was here in Austin on business and was getting a ride with my parents to Houston. I'm glad he stopped by. He said he didn't want to impose on my parent's visit. I kept telling mom he wasn't and it would be very rude of him NOT to come over when we haven't seen him in 4 years!! I was glad he came and got to visit for a bit. It was sad to say good bye and send my parents back to Houston. I enjoyed having them over. There's no one quite like Mom to complain to and get empathy from when I feel like this.
This morning was more laid back. I had Jhonny dig up the old VHS "He is Risen" video still packed in the garage and the kids watched the cartoon before church. I enjoyed their little comments and questions about what was happening. When the disciples and Mary were running in the tomb and thinking someone stole Jesus's body, Gavin kept yelling at the show, "HE'S ALIVE! HE'S NOT THERE! HE'S RESURRECTED! DON'T YOU KNOW?" It was so cute. Lily of course loves this holiday as it's so close to her birthday and everyone has Lilies around. At church someone had a lily plant on the podium. She pointed at it and said, "Look, Mom! Someone brought lilies! Someone brought ME today!" I was happy that even with all the sugar and easter bunny stuff going on this weekend, that my kids could grasp the meaning of Easter and the resurrection. Gavin learned about how Jesus was crucified and then lived again. He's having quite the time wrapping his tongue around the word, "resurrected", but he hasn't stopped trying to say it.
I'm curious as to what he will say tomorrow at school about it. His teacher's aunt passed away this weekend and her funeral was supposed to happen yesterday or today. She knew it was coming and my only comment other than how sorry I was, was that at least if you are going to have a funeral, this would be a good weekend for it. Fortunately she agreed. I wouldn't mind having my funeral on Easter weekend. I would hope that everyone present would be reminded that my death is a temporary seperation and that we will meet again!
Easter has to be one of my favorite holidays. Sugar aside. I love the colors and the flowers and easter egg hunts, and I especially love the reminder of our Savior and the hope and peace that it brings. Here's hoping all of you had a superb Easter Holiday!
Tuesday, April 3, 2012
Ammon at 32 weeks
He's got his daddy's feet.
A head full of hair.
Last week, I was so miserable I just wanted it all to be over and at the same time I kept thinking - no, I need to get through at least four more weeks and then. . . But the pain was so unbearable that I was scared into packing a bag for the hospital. I really do hope I can survive the next month at least, but I thought I'd better be prepared for the worst.
I turned in my notice for maternity leave on the 25th of this month. It's getting closer and more of a reality. The benefits department gave me my disability papers to fill out and fax in. I can't believe it is almost here and yet I can hardly stand the thought of getting through one more month. Seeing these pictures gives me a sense of relief that if he were born now, he'd be okay and then I think - just a little longer. He needs just a little more time. I can do this.
Today I watched all three kids getting along and playing together. They were in a little row and I imagined one more at the tail end of that line. . . I'm looking forward to a couple of months of just baby and family and no work. I hope it goes slowly. I love my job, but there's nothing quite like being a mom and taking care of a new little baby. This is the last time. Such mixed emotions come with that.
I'm dealing with my diabetes diet. I even lost a pound today since last week. It's been easier than I imagined. I know my husband's prayers have helped. Today was a good day. Not too much pain and my fluid was down a cm. If I can just enjoy a little relief like this, I can make it another 4 weeks. Just four fingers. That's less than one hand. It'll be over before I know it.
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