Ammon at 32 weeks

 He's got his daddy's feet.

A head full of hair.

Last week, I was so miserable I just wanted it all to be over and at the same time I kept thinking - no, I need to get through at least four more weeks and then. . . But the pain was so unbearable that I was scared into packing a bag for the hospital. I really do hope I can survive the next month at least, but I thought I'd better be prepared for the worst.

I turned in my notice for maternity leave on the 25th of this month. It's getting closer and more of a reality. The benefits department gave me my disability papers to fill out and fax in. I can't believe it is almost here and yet I can hardly stand the thought of getting through one more month. Seeing these pictures gives me a sense of relief that if he were born now, he'd be okay and then I think - just a little longer. He needs just a little more time. I can do this.

Today I watched all three kids getting along and playing together. They were in a little row and I imagined one more at the tail end of that line. . . I'm looking forward to a couple of months of just baby and family and no work. I hope it goes slowly. I love my job, but there's nothing quite like being a mom and taking care of a new little baby. This is the last time. Such mixed emotions come with that.

I'm dealing with my diabetes diet. I even lost a pound today since last week. It's been easier than I imagined. I know my husband's prayers have helped. Today was a good day. Not too much pain and my fluid was down a cm. If I can just enjoy a little relief like this, I can make it another 4 weeks. Just four fingers. That's less than one hand. It'll be over before I know it.