Waiting . . .

For those of you checking in on our lives here, I suppose an update is imperative. A few weeks ago I had my first doctor's appointment for our surprise pregnancy. By my calculations I should have been at about 7 1/2 weeks. The sonogram measured the baby at 5 weeks and 3 days. Somewhat small and made me curious about how they were measuring. The heartbeat was a bit slow, but the doctor said it was a little early so he wasn't worried. Then he noticed something that indicated an early miscarriage. He asked me to come back in a week.

I returned a little worried, but confident that all would be well. However when I saw the sonogram, I knew it wasn't good. The measurement was only 6 weeks after 7 days and I could barely pick out the heartbeat. It seemed non-existant. The doctor told me it was more than likely I would lose the baby although with a heartbeat at all there was a slight room for hope.

After crying all the way home and going through all the emotions of grief over the weekend, many prayers and a blessing later, I've regained my composure, accepted the inevitable and returned to the doctor's office again today with Jhonny this time to bolster me up.

The sonogram read 6 weeks 1 day and the heart rate was 60 per minute. The normal rate is above 100. So as I've been told again and again - it's all in God's hands and it seems like only a matter of time before we say goodbye to this little one we'd hoped would join the family in October.

I asked for a print out of the sonogram today. I wanted something to remember this one by and if it leaves us this week, it may the last time we get the chance. It's tough waiting for the end when you know it should be any day and that day just hasn't come. . .