Released!

I looked at my son today and tried to remember him growing up. When did it happen? I couldn't remember him learning to walk. Did I miss that? Oh yes - I remember now a little how he dove into the ground head first, but never gave up. When did he start talking? It seems like I missed so much. Where was I? Oh yeah - I was Relief Society President. . .

***

A few months ago, I was feeling great stress. Stress over my limited time. Stress over trying to get home sooner from work. Stress from feeling guilty that I wasn't getting work done. Stress over not spending more time with my kids only to be stressed that I wasn't spending enough time on my calling. . .

Stress at being stretched in so many directions. And so I did what I do in times like that. . . I prayed to be relieved of something or strengthened to bear the burden. But pray as I might the only solution was one I did not welcome greatly. I felt the need to be released.

And with that came a whole lot of guilt and stress. Stress over not having faith that I could have time to work and do my calling. Stress over not being able to parent my children. So I vented to my confidents. And they echoed my feelings. . . ask to be released. But I didn't like that plan. I wanted the Lord to tell someone to release me - not ask to be released.

So I prayed some more. Finally it became evident that though it wasn't something I wanted to do, the stress was more than enough. I finally got up enough courage to talk to my Branch President and let him know how I was feeling. No sooner did I say, "I guess I'm asking you to pray about whether or not I should be released." He said, "We've just been waiting for you to come and let us know when you'd had enough."

Wow! Wow. hmm. I guess it was a test of my faith? Not sure. But I can say - the Lord did hear my prayers. He knew. He was waiting for me to choose.

Last Sunday I was officially released. Nothing has felt so sweet as to feel the burden lifted. Now this is not to say that I didn't have my time of mourning and wondering if I made the right choice to let this go. But when it actually officially happened - it was sweet. I knew it was right and about time.

***

Something that helped was doing one last thing before I was released - writing the Branch History for Relief Society in 2010. It was at least 3 pages long. It was humbling to remember how much happened just last year. So many miracles. So many acts of service. So many wonderful spiritually enriching moments. So many testimonies being strengthened. It's time to pass the baton. Allow someone else the opportunity at the incredible blessings of service and sacrifice. I won't miss the stress. . . but I might miss the blessings that came with it.

I learned a lot. I was challenged. I was shown a glimpse of myself I never knew. I felt the weight of the responsibility of my stewardship. I received inspiration I couldn't deny that I worried I wouldn't recognize. My testimony of the work of the Lord was strengthened. The Lord knows us. He loves us. He guides this church. Perhaps some day when my children are a little more self reliant I might have the privilege of serving again. But hopefully not for a long time.

Winding up 2010

Post snow day - s'mores by the fire pit

Texas Snow Day! Feb 4, 2011Is taking us back to Christmas 2010. . .

Not sure who liked this toy more. . .

We still need to get this movie. Gavin keeps asking to see it. . .

Trip to Utah/Idaho! The best part of Temple Square - the snow! The questions I get to answer. . .

Lily: Mom, why is Jesus naked?

(I'd love to hear how you'd respond.)

This is my Aunt Tanya Ahh, the lights Chinese nativity

Bridge at the hospital where I was born in Jerome, ID. My friend and I used to play under the bridge (in the background under the road) when it was frozen like this day. Probably not the smartest thing to do. . .but definitely fun and adventurous. . .Jessica trying it out

These are the swings mom used to play on when she was little. I've never seen these swings anywhere else. I remember playing on them when I was way young.
IT'S SNOW!

Determined to bring back Frosty. . .

Jessica Sledding

I think I finally got his head. . . didn't you say you had carrots, Mom? We're not twins, we're cousins!

Wesley sledding

Marcano Family in the snow

Leejean and gang Mom! Remember when I fed the camel? It ate from my hand!
Lights in south hills Mark's Llama Home sweet home - warm enough for ice cream!

Christmas 2010 came to the Marcano house a week early. After opening presents with Grandma and Granpa Ellis, we played all day with our toys.

On Sunday, our family sang "Away in a manger" during the Christmas program. Although it was a hastle getting everyone to practice, I want to believe it helped our young children focus on the true meaning of Christmas. I've caught them singing it even now - a month after the program. Jhonny and I also sang with the choir. Right in the middle of the first choir number, Lily came up to me to ask me an important question. Forget that we were singing "O Holy Night" to the congregation! She had to verify if something Jessica told her was true. ?!?!?

On Monday we left early with Cory who was going to help his family move and made it to New Mexico late that night. On Tuesday we got to SLC and dropped off Cory at the train before going to Temple Square for the lights. We hooked up with Tanya who had a previously planned date to go there as well. It worked out pretty nicely, except for the fact that the kids were more interested in the snow than the lights and sounds. It was all I could do to keep Lily from going into the roped off areas to make a "snow angel". She finally got her wish at aunt Tanya's house just before having hot chocolate and falling promptly to sleep.

The next day we got to Idaho where we played in the snow in south hills, met tons of cousins, visited with Great Grandma and Grandpa Ellis, Mindy and Jeff, saw the lights, visited Jerome where I grew up and saw Chronicles of Narnia at the old Jerome Cinema. Lily usually has a hard time visiting a different primary, but since she had so many cousins there, she didn't seem to mind. She kept asking me if the other kids were her "friends?" I guess cousins meant the same thing to her. As it turned out my cousin's wife taught her class. She didn't know they were related until later when they stopped by Grandma and Grandpa's house to say hi.

We meant to top off our vacation by going to the Temple on Tuesday, but the storm was coming in. We had to cut our trip short and head back home. We stopped in Utah to see Spencer and crew before heading back to Texas, but the storm caught up in the night. We drove with white knuckles behind a God sent snow plow through Price canyon. It wasn't until Lily piped up and said, "Be quiet! I'm praying!" that I realized the kids might be just as concerned as I felt. Once we got ahead of the snow we didn't stop til we got to the Texan border even though it meant sleeping in the car. Jessica kissed the ground when we reached home.

For New Years, we had Cory and Joanna and kids over for dinner. The best part of winding up 2010 was welcoming their family to Texas! It's great to know we've got family so close this year.

The kids still talk about the trip and the snow. Buying snow gloves and shoes has come in handy this week as we experienced our own snow day in Rockdale. The arctic blast hit last week and brought about three inches that lasted almost 12 hours. The kids were in and out all morning playing in the snow in the backyard. The sun came out at noon and melted it all away by 2pm. Today we sat around a fire in 65 degree weather and made s'mores. That's Texas for ya!

Oh yeah - my birthday

This year the RRHS Theatre Dept was putting on A Midsummer Night's Dream during the week of my birthday. Of course theatre - free theatre especially tops my list of great birthday ideas! So I made plans to go to dinner and the play with some friends and my husband of course. Seeing no way around taking Jessica - she got to come too. We went to the Tokyo Grill which was quite a show in itself and rushed back to the school to see the show only to discover it wasn't there.

We missed the opening curtain at the PAC which was at another high school in the district so we went home. Jessica and I went to the show the next evening and ended up getting home VERY late, but it was so worth it. The kids did a fabulous job and it was HILARIOUS! We both laughed like crazy and Jessica thoroughly enjoyed the show. I was proud of her that she was so attentive to Shakespeare so late at night.

Consequently, on Sunday Jhonny reminded me that we hadn't had my birthday cake with the family. So I whipped up a cookie cake and we sang an impromtu version of Que Noche Tan Preciosa and I blew out my candles. To demonstrate how last minute this was - I have to let you know that I am NOT 39. I'm 38. But we couldn't find an 8 in our stash. Jhonny suggested doing a 93 or putting 38 candles on the cake - I said 39 was just fine. My I feel old! But really - I've been anticipating this birthday all year. 39 is kind of fitting since I've already been thinking about how next year I will be 39 - oh my - 40 is on the horizon. Yikes!

Random cute pics

Lily still loves to pretend and dress up. Much of the time she is in her own imaginary world where she gets to make up all the rules! The dress is curteousy of Mom's handywork at the sewing machine and the shoes are from Grandma. Fancy Lily!

Lily is making a lot of friends at school. This one is of her "best" friend's birthday party at Pizza Hut. She was pretty sad the day we went to visit Grandma's house because she missed a birthday party for her friend that is a boy, but that she can't date til she's 16. She did get him a present that she gave him the next week.

We happen to have two monkey costumes - 1 that I got and 1 that my sister gave to me in some handmedowns. Gavin and Lily were being twinsies. They certianly are my little monkeys some days.

This is the epitome of the Marcano home at 6:00am every morning as we all get ready for school.

One day I found Gavin in the dryer. He was playing hide and seek and thought it was a good spot to hide. And yes - we did have a conversation about safety and not hiding in the dryer!

Happy Halloween!

Yesterday, we celebrated another Halloween out at the Ferguson Farm. We brought along our jumping castle and the kids had a blast playing carnival games, eating Hot Dogs and chips, velvet cupcakes and trick or treating around the campfire until all the candy is gone. Lily was inspired by the BYU tailgate party a few weeks ago and decided to be a BYU cheerleader. Gavin made the cutest little pirate and Jessica went with her fav disney character Alex, from Wizards of Waverly Place. They had a great time and were zonked on the way home. They couldn't even manage to wake up long enough to eat any of their candy. This morning we made a deal that they had to wait until after church. I was having visions of them bouncing around during the Primary program in front of everyone. Fortunately they were very good. Needless to say they've been enjoying candy all afternoon. Here's the before and after pictures from last night.

A quick visit to see the Carreños

The Carreños are a family that we have known since living in Venezuela. Alejandro and Beatriz were in the primary when I was in the Stake Primary Presidency and their dad was in the high council. They traveled with us 3 Sundays a month and so I got to know the stake leaders' children pretty well. Now the kids are all grown up. The Carreños are now living in Irving. It's hard to believe these kids have only been in the states for 5 years listening to their English. We had a great time visiting with them this past month! Gavin especially loved their little dog, Casey.

Visit from Great Grandma Wickham!

It was such a pleasant surprise to have Great Grandma Wickham come down for a surprise visit. We were summoned to my mom's home to enjoy her company. Lily was especially excited to see another Grandma. She loves her grandma's. We had to take the opportunity before church to catch everyone in a four generation shot!