With God anything is possible

That was the title of today's Relief Society lesson. We talked about how God puts us in positions that are hard, but we have the promise of his aid in everything. This weekend has been a bit emotional for me.
Friday, my sister sent the news that she would need a bone marrow transplant. This is going to be a long treatment/recovery. Fighting cancer Acute Myeloid Leukemia to be exact will not be easy for her or those of us who love her. Friday after a long week of exhausting work that isn't done, I got the kids to bed and instead of falling to sleep myself, I finally let myself emote.
I can't really even say what I was feeling. I just cried. I know it's nothing compared to what she is going through, but I couldn't help but weep.
Sometime soon, my siblings and I will be getting tested to see if we are a match. We are the best chances of that. I hate needles, but getting my blood drawn is nothing new. I've at least done that many times. I just need to find a place that will do it quickly without costing me too much.
Friday as I was trying to convince myself that I likely won't be a match and that I'm too old to go through that much pain. . . it occurred to me that it might be very likely I could be the match.
Just last month I was asked to speak about building upon the Rock of our Redeemer and how he will sustain us during those stormy times. I heard from someone else about how we are asked to speak about those topics that we need the most. To my knowledge my other siblings didn't get asked to speak.
Then I let myself cry and wear the idea of being the match. There is no way I would say no. I imagine the Lord in the garden of gethsemane saying, "Oh Lord take this cup from me, but if thou wilt, I will drink it up."
I can deal with constant minimal pain. I've been doing that my whole life. It's that acute immediate pain I'm mostly afraid of. I hope they put me under. I could probably stand it then. I'm already mentally preparing for a trip to Omaha. It should come right around my birthday. What better gift than the gift of life?
The Lord will not give us anything that we can't handle, but he knows what is hardest for us and that is what he asks of us so that we must rely upon him and his grace. That confirmed it to me again. Anticipation of pain is probably my greatest fear. More than death. Perhaps not more than mice, but . . .I haven't been as successful at avoiding pain.
This is one of those things that I've heard the treatment is pretty tough on the donor. I've never gone through something that difficult without at least my husband and mom near. My husband won't be able to be there with me, because he will need to stay with the kids. And my mom if she is there will likely be at the side of my sister who lets face it is going through much more.
As I contemplate all of this. . . I may not be the match. But I want to record these feelings. Because I'm praying one of us at least will be the match. And I want to remember that that person will likely need support too.
Other feelings I've had revolve around how much I love my sister and how happy I am for her life right now - minus the cancer of course. She is so happy with her little boy and her wonderful soul mate. I hate that she has to go through this. Perhaps that is the protective older sister in me.
And lastly, I keep walking around going on with my life and then like running into a pole or a brick wall I think, "How can life keep going on. Don't you know my sister is fighting cancer??"