This week has been busy for me. The week before school starts is often like that. I stayed late two nights last week to get schedules done. I'm sure most of the students who get their schedules on Monday won't appreciate the late nights and sacrifice away from my family, but I do it anyway.
So sometime last week, I stopped to take inventory of my feelings and realized that I felt tangible peace. As I spoke with the case manager, I was even a little excited to get things rolling and set up to go get tested. After wrapping my brain around the possibility of being a match, I've come to accept that fact. Now it's just a matter of proof. . . or not. I'm ready to face whatever comes. The fear has fled. Now I know what Tanya meant. She feels no fear, just peace amidst this storm.
In July I was given the assignment to speak in sacrament meeting from Bishop Davies' talk about building upon the rock of our savior. The scripture in Helaman really stood out to me.
5:12 And now, my sons, remember, remember that it is upon the arock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your bfoundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty cstorm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.
The storm is here. It's beating upon us, but it doesn't seem to have the power it should have. I certainly don't feel like I'm in the gulf of misery or endless wo. From reading my sister's blog entries. I don't think she feels that way either. I have complete confidence in the Savior's atonement and power to heal. I also know he allows us to go through hard things. But it seems just when the boat is about to be dashed to pieces, he reaches out his hand and calms the storm. He is a fourth watch God.
Just a week ago, I was feeling the waves and the winds. The news was not unexpected really, but it did give confirmation to my fears about this disease and what I might be asked to do. I'm grateful to say I feel peace now. That doesn't mean I expect that I won't be the match. I'm okay if I am. I'm ready emotionally for it. I think. I may feel differently when I'm trying to make arrangements for my children and husband, but actually going doesn't seem to frighten me any more. I can only attribute that to the many prayers that I know are being shared.
Friday night I got home late. I sat with my children who have been anxious about school starting. I have a new middle schooler and a new kindergartner and the other one will be in her dad's class which is also a new unknown. Ammon is in a new place as well. There is bound to be some anxiety. As we were sitting in the front room hanging out and talking, I noticed a car stop in front of the house. When the lights turned off, I got up and saw someone walking to our door. I wasn't expecting anyone.
I met this lady at the door and wondered what she wanted. She didn't look like a solicitor. After saying hello, she held out her hand with a set of keys and asked if I was missing them. I was so surprised to see my keys that were lost back in July in her hands. She found them two doors down by the stop sign a few weeks ago. She'd put a sign out by her house in case someone was looking for them. I never drive that way. She had also been looking around the neighborhood to see if anyone drove a Hyundai. She tracked me down, even after her son said, "Mom, surely the owner has already made a new set of keys by now." I had, but I had not replaced the clicker.
The day I lost them was the day before we were leaving for Utah for my family reunion. I had set them on the hood of our other car while helping my husband put the cargo carrier on the van. Jhonny drove off shortly after that to get to work while I was working on something else. By the time I realized where the keys had been set down, I knew it was too late. I searched up and down the street where he had driven away. I didn't see them. We looked three times to no avail. I prayed we would find them, but gave up thinking they must have been thrown down the drain and I was sure I would never see them again.
Fortunately the dealership had one blank left for my car that day. I was able to get a copy made just in time to go to my appointment with the dermatologist to remove three moles that looked suspicious. (They are all fine - I did not have cancer.) I would have had to pay $50 for missing that appointment.
We were also able to leave for our trip the next morning because we had a key. I thought that was how the Lord was answering my prayer. So I was very surprised and humbled to see this good woman hunting me down to return the original set. I'm sure Margaret will be blessed for her good dead. I know I am.
And that little miracle just made it more real to me that God does answer prayers. Even though it may seem like he's forgotten his promises or even when you don't see the miracle right away, the miracle is just waiting to prove itself even more. I'm grateful this week for the minor miracles that boost my faith in my fourth watch God. He's pretty amazing when it comes down to it.
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