Cure for denial

 My first thought was, "Well I guess I can really come out of denial now." My second, "What a cutie!"

 The kids got to be there today for this ultrasound. They were soo excited to see a real live baby! Jessica said, "That is a really cool device!"

 Looks like we've got another thumb sucker! It may be cute now. . .

 We've also got a praying child. At least someone has been listening to how to kneel and bow their head during the prayer! LOL!

 The baby couldn't keep still. Kept swimming all over the place! No wonder I've been so sick!

The screening went well so far. The sonographer said the thin layer of skin was a good sign and we should know more after my blood test comes back.

The other good news is that I haven't gained any weight although the baby is measuring 2 inches. I feel like I've been getting fat, but apparently it's being compensated somewhere else. Yea.

Not for kids

I was shopping last week and grabbed a tube of toothpaste that looked like the kind I usually get for the kids. Gavin saw it and asked if it was for him. I said yes and your sisters. He couldn't wait to brush his teeth. A few minutes later he came out to the kitchen with a sour look on his face and toothpaste around his lips.
"Mom, I don't think that toothpaste is for kids."
"Why not?"
"It's spicy."
Right brand, wrong kind.

Family Fued

If you ask Gavin, there's a baby brother in my tummy. If you ask Lily, there's a sister. That's the current family fued. If you ask me, I'm just fighting nausea constantly. Can't wait for the first trimester to be complete so I can regain some energy and perhaps focus on more than trying not to vomit. Point in case - I remembered today at 3:15 that Jessica had a talk in primary. I still can't remember what the topic was supposed to be on. Well. To put it shortly, it didn't happen.

How do I feel about being pregnant? I'm sure there are some out there saying, "I told you so." I suppose I'll take it. I guess I don't mind hearing that since having one more child has been my heart's desire since we lost the last baby in March of 2009. Frankly I gave up and decided it was time to move on and enjoy the family we've already created. I guess this one finally decided it was time.

And perhaps I shouldn't have been so hasty in giving up. Honestly we gave up in July, because I didn't feel like moving all that baby stuff in the attic. I'm sure there were plenty at our garage sale who benefited from our marked down items. I'm not ready to decide what to replace just yet, but I'm sure we'll probably spend more than we made. There are worse problems to have.

Now that it finally happened, things kind of make more sense. A couple of years ago, I was waiting to find out if our efforts had had any results and researching our options. The options at the time scared me and it was a great relief to discover that I was NOT pregnant as much as I wanted this baby to come, I knew the circumstances were wrong. I found myself counseling with the Lord and realizing a couple of things needed to change in order for us to be pregnant again. First - I needed insurance. CHIP was NOT a good option for the risks I might face after having to experience a miscarriage and DNC as well as PIH with Gavin. Coverage for only the baby and a live birth just would not do. Thus came the decision that I needed to go back to work.

Second - We needed to live closer to the hospital. Our luck with Gavin was sure to be short lived. The stress about going into labor and delivering in the car on the way was just too much to take.

Third- After getting a job, I realized that driving that hour commute one way would probably kill me if I were pregnant. I kind of needed to be closer to work. I struggled with this one as I felt like surely the Lord would take care of me if required, but it would still be nice.

So now that I am pregnant. I can see the miracles at hand. What appeared to be somewhat selfish on my part were really mountains being moved so this little one could safely come into the world with Mom in tact. I have insurance and we have finally been able to move closer to the hospital and work. So I guess the timing is pretty perfect even though I was a little impatient, a trend that is not uncommon to my being.

Now my prayer is not to NOT be sick. Just to endure it and see a healthy end result. I must admit the first few weeks were full of denial. Despite the surety of the doctor and nurses, I wouldn't believe it until I saw a strong steady heartbeat and on time development. At 7 weeks, I got that reassurance. Now at almost ten weeks, I'm excited for the next visit at 12 to see another ultrasound and the development.

My cousin shared that her pregnancy has brought mixed emotions. I can believe it. I suppose I'm going through a similar experience. It's hard to have hope for something wonderful when you know it could just as easily go the other way. No one is immune to adversity, sadness, or disappointment. I just hope that all will turn out well this time.

If nothing else - I've learned to appreciate the children I have. The joy that they can bring. Holding them closer. Loving them a little more. Teaching them what I can. They are little for such a short time. They grow up so fast. It's hard to believe Jessica is already 9. Where did the years go?

Another thing that is different this time around is that the kids are so excited. They are all looking forward to this baby. Whether it's a girl or a boy, this baby will be well loved and welcomed.Gavin is ready to teach him baseball, and how to play with cars. Lily is ready to teach her how to play dress up and have a tea party. Jessica is ready to cuddle and feed and nurture whatever gender we may have. Stay tuned for more to come.  We should probably find out in January what the resolution of this battle will be.

The Move

We moved to Round Rock mid september. Jhonny started his new job and the kids started a new school. Our new ward has been very supportive. After two weeks, Jhonny was called to be the second counselor in the Elder's quorum presidency. He was pretty shocked, but the calling is great for him. He has been kept very busy getting to know the brethren in the ward and serving mostly by way of moving people.
I was called to be the pianist in the Relief Society followed by a calling to be the Ward Music Chairman. I'm excited about my new calling and pulling out the musical talent in the ward. It's just about perfect for the amount of other stress in my life right now.
Work is going well. It's nice to be home to fix dinner most nights. There's still those days that I don't feel like cooking, but those are fewer than they were last year. I haven't worked in a workout schedule yet, but I really should. Being able to hit the pool around the corner has been nice. Last time we went it was actually a bit cold. Maybe fall is finally coming.
The house looks somewhat normal now - unless you look in the garage where there's still a billion boxes needing to be unpacked. I had great intentions yesterday that went by the wayside. Hohum. Perhaps one of these weekends we'll get something accomplished with that. I'm sure the great majority are books that have no shelf to go on. And until our other house sells, money is tight - so buying them is not really an option right now.
Sell house sell!! That is our prayer daily. Lily is the best at remembering that. When it does we might be able to afford activities again. For now - those are on hold. Well other than Jessica enrolling in girl scouts. We almost enrolled Lily, but I'm hesitant. It sounds like a lot of commitment that I don't feel up to right now.
It would be great to put Lily in gymnastics and Gavin in soccer or swimming. They want to be involved. But that all costs something so. . .thus the prayer.
At least until the new year. Then I'm going to need a good financial advisor to determine if foreclosure is an option we can deal with or not. The consequences kind of scare me, but? What to do? I know we can't keep paying for two houses for long.
That about catches us up to the present.

Dia de tristeza

January 2005 just before leaving to go back home to Texas. This was the last time we saw Clara Guerra (Grandma with her hand on Jhonny's shoulder) in person. We recieved the news this afternoon that she passed away at 11:00am this morning after struggling with a series of heart attacks and hospitalization. We knew the time was near, but it came all too soon anyway. We've been tossing around the idea of sending Jhonny back this summer, but just didn't have the money or the pass port ready to go.
Jhonny tried calling all week, but no one answered the phone. They were likely at the hospital so she could undergo treatments.
I remember Clara laying on her bed complaining about her chest hurting. It didn't seem to slow her down too much. She still made the best chicken soup according to Jhonny. Although I might disagree, you can't convince him of that and I doubt I will ever come close to replicating it. I also remember how sweet she was to me. Always with a smile and beso. I often teased Jhonny that she loved me more than him.
 I didn't always understand her quick spanish, but her eyes twinkled and she was kind. She wanted to keep Jessica when we were there. She said, "Just leave her here for a year." Uhh, no, but that was her. She took in everyone. Almost all of Jhonny's siblings were raised for a while under her roof.
My first recollection was when I dropped off Jhonny. I heard her voice bellowing out at someone. I've often heard Jhonny with that same bellow at our kids. It reminds me of her. And then when she saw me she stopped short wondering who I was. I came in, introduced myself and kissed her on the cheek (Venezuelan culture). It took her by surprise I think and she sweetened right up. After that she and her husband were often blessing me and sending their greetings to my parents.
I think I broke her heart when I announced that we would be coming back to the states before Jessica was born. I had been telling Jhonny to tell her for a while and I was left in a precarious position of letting her know when confronted with a direct question about our plans. She didn't say anything, but I could tell she didn't care to hear that news. I was taking her baby and great grand baby away.
So when I felt the inspiration to go back in 2005, I couldn't ignore it. Mostly because I felt that she would never forgive me for keeping her great grandbaby away from meeting her in this life. I'm glad now that we have these photos and the memories. I wish we could have afforded to travel there every summer. If the price of flights were only cheaper, we might have attempted it.
Now, we have our memories and they have our prayers. Clara - we will miss you. Especially tu hijo.

To Move or Not to Move, that's been the question

For the past year I have been commuting over 80 miles a day round trip. I'm not the only one here that does it, and I could get used to it if necessary. However, the look on my kids' hungry faces when I get home just before bedtime was taking it's toll. So I've been in turmoil for a while wondering if taking this job that I really couldn't pass up for so many reasons was the right thing to do.
My conclusion as I tossed around the pros and cons always came up to the same thing - we need to move. Prayer left me with the same conclusion and so I figured one year and then Jhonny can find a job and we'll pack it up when we sell the house.
For a year the house has been on the market. Nothing! No bites, nada. Then the hiring freeze in Round Rock and most of the Austin area.  ?? I wondered if I had been wrong in my impression. Maybe I DID choose wrong and should have fought harder to stay?
I checked the local vacancies and there was one available for almost what I wanted even though it was less money, I could be home for my kids. It sounded good to me. We like our home and our branch family. But I was left undecided. I decided to go to the temple to work it out.
The pros and cons were left hanging there and finally I opened the scriptures and said, "What do I do?" The scripture I read made little sense to me, but the confirmation of the spirit told me it was my answer. Okay. I thought about the words I read and tried to imagine how it fit my situation. Then later that day I noticed that the hiring freeze had been lifted. Jhonny contacted a principal he'd met earlier and was invited to interview. But we weren't told an answer right away.
Later that week I watched a BYU TV thing about Lot's wife and not looking back. That impressed me. Here I am with a possible opportunity for our family's future and I'm torn with what I'm leaving behind and looking forward to the next step. I realized that it's time to look forward and not worry about the past or what I'm leaving behind. I love it here, but there's something else waiting. I don't know all that's waiting, but I know we need to move forward with faith and gratitude.
THEN we got the news late on Monday that Jhonny was made an offer. On Tuesday he was let go from his contract in Cameron. Then I was all a panic about how we would financially and physically pull this off. I had to remind myself that if this is the Lord's will, it will happen. Be calm and have faith.
The scripture  I read in the temple began to make sense. It said (and I paraphrase to what I got out of it) to establish a place for my family and the members would help support my family in my absence. This may seem strange to others, but it was just what I needed to get a priority list together on what to tackle first. Find a place for my family, then look for day care.
The next part of the scripture was about serving the Lord. That part perhaps was what made me suspect the answer was in a move. It didn't say to quit my job or come home. I have often felt that the two hours a day I have spent driving could be better spent devoting time to my callings. If we moved, I would earn those hours back a little and perhaps be of better use somehow.

Wednesday a member who used to live in Taylor and now resides in Virginia called President Daniels wondering if he knew of anyone who might have a place to rent. They have one daughter in high school and a son serving in the military. He works with software programming. Hmmm. Sounds like a family meant for this branch. That evening as I shared our news with Chanda, she mentioned it. The next day I got his info and called. Turns out we have more than the space they need for much less than they were willing to pay. I know I could have taken advantage of that, but just thinking that the Lord had placed this opportunity in our lap stopped me from doing so and I quoted him the price we had discussed. He was happy and relieved at his good fortune. I was amazed. I always felt like when the time was right, it would happen quickly and not until then. I'm also grateful to have someone that won't let our seats in Rockdale grow cold.
So now to find a place for us. We searched high and low and yet nothing within our price range felt "right." Finally today as I was trying to find yet another apartment complex to check out, I prayed, "Please Lord, just lead me to the place." I accidentally drove into the wrong neighborhood and up to a house with a for rent sign out front. We called and finally checked it out.
I felt at peace. Even though the place isn't finished and things aren't ready for move in yet, it felt like we could fit there comfortably. The neighborhood was NOT scary. And it's about five miles to both places of work. I liked the land lords. Even though the price was above what I wanted to pay, it was hard to ignore the feeling of being done. Meanwhile, Jhonny kept looking for other houses in that price range in the area. I drove by, but didn't get the same sense of peace. Finally I thought - what's the point? I know this is what I want and I love that it's close to where we need to be. 10 minute commute! I'm all over that!

Now to find day care. I feel like the answer lies somewhere in the ward we're moving to. Or in the members in that area. It's just out of our current stake, but very close to people I know from our stake. So we shall see. I'm curious at what we will find. I have a place in mind, but I've been hesitant to move on it. I need to explore the possibilities first before I commit.
In times like this, the Lord moves in mysterious ways. I don't always understand the reasons or the timing of things, but I know when I see things lining up and unfolding like this that only he could be in charge of the chain of events. I'm so grateful that He has comforted me enough to not look back and turn to salt, but to look forward with faith and rely on Him and his tender mercies.
To my branch family I bid a bittersweet farewell. It's been a great 4 years. Now you need to pray for some more primary kids to come in so the Husher girls won't be the only ones. We love you all and will miss you dearly.

I'm not for eating. . .

Last week when Gavin was in nursery, he turned to his teacher and said, "I don't want my dad to come in here, because he wants to eat me and I'm not food."

Today as we were leaving church, Gavin was sporting a custom made wrist band (made from a wrapper of some sort). He was so excited as he explained, "I can hear when the dinasours and dragons come because this helps me hear them."
"You must be a brave boy."
"Yes, I am."

While at a baseball game Gavin was sitting on my lap kissing my cheeks. Jhonny wanted him to come to him, but he wasn't getting his attention. Finally he shouted, "Hey, Gavin, whatta ya doin?!?"
"Kissin!"

Gavin was asleep during dinner today, so later when he woke up we set out his dinner while I was making cookies. Of course Gavin wanted to eat cookies instead of his dinner. "You have to eat your dinner first, son," I told him.
"I can't!" he retorted.
"Why not?" I asked.
"It makes me pee!"

Last week I took Gavin on a date. While drinking our slushies I thought I would bring up some small talk. "Who's your best friend?" I asked. Without hesitation he said, "LILY!"