I was up late last night after a long week of homecoming celebrations for CRHS. This year, Jessica was a little more involved. Her boyfriend is a senior and so she decided it would be okay to stay for the entire football game this year after singing with the choir and that she would go to the dance last night. She had a good time. I knew she would. I'm glad she's not missing out on some of the great memories of high school. Thank you, Jack. My extroverted introvert needs a one on one to have fun in the crowd. Jack is just the right amount of attentive to make being there worth it to her. Next year is going to be tougher on her than she thinks after this.
I was able to get some free tickets to see the Austin Chinese American Network Moon Festival concert last night. So after Lily was called up to babysit for some friends, it was down to Jhonny and the boys and myself. The costumes, dance, music and singing were beautiful. They did a really great job. I just wish I could have understood all the language, but that's ok.
So as I put the boys to bed and looked at the time, I realized I still needed to prepare my lesson for Sunday school today. This month has been focusing on commandments. As I pondered what to teach and how to approach this topic for my young students I thought about extending invitations. Inviting people to repent and keep the commandments is one of the most essential parts of being a missionary. I thought about some of the simple commitments and some of the issues I ran into as a missionary. Some invitations are hard to extend because you know that in making that invitation you are telling this person that they are doing something that is not okay. That can be offensive depending on how it is received.
I remember hearing from a general authority whether in person or in reading or a broadcast that extending an invitation to repent will ALWAYS be offensive because you are asking someone to change their behavior. Repentance means change. When you are teaching someone the gospel, you are inviting them to change their lives to come unto Christ. Being told you are doing something wrong is difficult to hear.
So how is it done? There is only one way - you have to speak by the power of the Holy Ghost. You have to teach pure doctrine simply enough that the Spirit can testify of its truthfulness. Then once the doctrine is understood, the invitation is extended and a blessing promised if the hearer will keep their commitment.
So I thought of a lesson I gave a few weeks ago. It was about keeping a journal. I was excited to purchase some journals and pass them out. I invited my students to begin to write down some things about their lives for their posterity and to help them to remember the hand of the Lord in their lives. This was something that I thought would be fun. I was met with resistance. It was time to go so I couldn't really dive into it, but it bothered me that some of my students were like "no way I'm writing anything down. It's not happening."
This came to mind as I thought about this principle of invitation to keep a commandment and offensiveness, etc. It dawned on me that my students find it difficult to write anyway so asking them to keep a record is WAY out of their comfort zone. And then I thought about the last time I wrote anything down. hmm. touche.
Then I thought of those things that are difficult for me - my pet sins that I continue to stumble on and how desperately I want to be better and yet I keep tripping up and have often given up on myself surrendering to the thought that I'll never master this. Surely it's something the Lord is tired of forgiving me for, right? After all, I've spent some time sincerely repenting for it and hoping that the urge, the temptation would be taken away and that would be it! Done! But no, I find myself slipping into the trap again. This is frustrating because I once had this mastered for YEARS! So why the relapse? Why is this so difficult for me now? If I want it gone and I know it's doing more damage than good and it's starting to affect my children and my husband - why can't I get this under control? Wouldn't it be easier to just be in denial about it and give up working on it? Surely my kids think of me as a hypocrite by now.
Then the thought comes that the Savior doesn't give up on us. EVER. So how can I give up on myself? I have to keep trying. I have to keep repenting even if it's over and over and over again. I could justify myself by saying that my sin is a little thing. But I know better. It's keeping me from greater things and in my heart, I know it. I want to be the master of my soul. I want to rise above the little things that hold me back. So how?
Well, there is only one way. I realize that I can't do this on my own. I need my Savior. He is the only way to overcome the big and the small things that keep us from our divine destination. He is ready and willing to help us overcome all things because He already did. He is the one who offers healing and forgiveness. Over and over and over again. I'm grateful that I get to take the sacrament EVERY week and start again. Perfection is not easy. It's a good thing we get a lifetime of attempts at it.
Maybe showing my kids that I'm still a work in progress and that I'm not giving up on it is a better lesson than showing them that I am perfect. They are not perfect either. They need to know that God doesn't give up on them either. They can keep on repenting and keep on trying to be better.
Perhaps the Lord is trying to teach ME something in not letting this process be as easy as I think it should be.
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