Graduations. . .

Our school got the last slot for graduation last night. That meant I got home about 11:30pm by the time all was said and done. I probably could have gotten home sooner - but I stopped at the Dairy Queen drive thru to get something to keep me awake for the hour long drive home. I guess alot of other people also wanted icecream late at night because it added an extra twenty minutes to my drive.
In making sure my seniors all got what they needed done, I missed out on a few other graduations this week. Like Lily at her Pre-K graduation. She told me she would not sing her song if I wasn't there. Fortunately she gave me several previews of it before making this announcement. I haven't had time to ask if Jhonny recorded it for me or not. And Jessica's award's ceremony. She earned quite a few, but she was happy to give me a recap. Gavin's last day of daycare. I will miss Ms. Rosa and her help potty training my son. I thought of getting a present for my kid's teachers - too late. I hope they know I appreciate them even though I'm swamped under my own piles of papers and grades and transcripts and phone calls to return and emails to respond to and work that is never done even with a deadline. . .I love my job - I do, but. . .
That is the life of a full time working mom who has an hour commute. Seeing it all second hand. . .Not ideal, but necessary for now. Lily is not the only one who misses being able to go to the silly ceremonies. She was my sidekick at all of Jessica's important insignificantly seeming events. She knows what a stay at home mom does because she doesn't forget anything. Why her mom doesn't come to hers is incomprehensible. . . Even when she experiences the drive first hand it still doesn't compute that it is impossible to be in two places that far away all at once.
Perhaps next year will bring some changes. So far we remain in limbo. I've fought with the idea of settling into accepting status quo. Status quo is doable, but it is not ideal for me or my kids although Jhonny seems somewhat okay with the idea that we won't have to pay for childcare next year. I miss my children. I miss being there for the little things. Perhaps it is selfish to want to be present. . . but it's for these little things that I long for change and I continue to hope for a better future. One that includes a job for my husband in a place where I won't be too far away to be present when it matters. If that happens, it will truly be a miracle due to the current economic crisis in Texas State Education.
I know that God can make it happen. . . the question is - Is it what he wants for us? Because ultimately our will is in his hands. We will go where he sends us. Is what we want the same as what he wants for us? Or is it a far better thing to remain in status quo for reasons unbeknownst to us? That is my constant search within. Answer TBA.